Friday, January 13, 2006

The first money talk

J & I had our first money talk today. He wants us to go to Lake Tahoe in February. Possible sticky Valentine’s Day expectations and subsequent ramifications aside, I am girlishly excited about this. Sure I am an emancipated woman and I don’t need a man to take care of me but that doesn’t mean I don’t want one who likes me, a lot. What can be better than a romantic gateaway with someone who fits that bill? Not to mention someone who will carry my luggage, hold a door open and smile tolerantly when I use up all the hot water. But, just because I want my boyfriend to be sweet and caring and occasionally emulate a cheerful bellhop doesn’t mean I expect him to pay for everything (or even carry my luggage all the time for that matter) which is where the money talk comes in. I have edited this down somewhat.

"So about Lake Tahoe..."
"What about Lake Tahoe?" Lake Tahoe has never come up before.
"What do you think of it?"
"I like it!"
"Yeah? Really?" Sounding surprised for some reason, probably at the sudden exclamation point in my voice.
"Oh yeah..."
"So you have been there before?" Sounding disappointed.
"No. Why?"
"You said you liked it.
"Well, yes, from what I have heard. Why?" I am beginning to think that maybe he wants us to go to Lake Tahoe.
"Er,... look, I’ll have to call you back." And just like that he's gone.
Yes, men aren’t exasperating at all. Almost an hour later he calls back. "Do you want to go?"
"Go where?"
"Lake Tahoe."
"Oh so that’s what that was all about. I get it now! The subtle clues, the cleverness of it all! You are a true master! A genius!" Partly payback for leaving me hanging and partly avoidance because now that he’s asked, I don’t know what my answer is. I continue evading the question for a few more minutes while I think fast. It's a bit tricky, being V-day and all but then I decide I want to go. "Yes, of course."
"I’ll make the arrangements."
"Um, ok. When are we going?"
"February." This is a new side to my otherwise charming boyfriend. All the decisions seem to have been made for me.
"Um, ok. Were you going to ask me if I am available in February?"
"You are available in February."
I can’t argue with that. He knows I resigned my job and he knows the end date. I am available in February. But he should still ask. "Ok." Sounds like he’s smiling. "Would you like to come to Lake Tahoe with me in February?"
"Yes, I’d love to!"
"Ok. See you later."
"Um. We should talk about expenses."
"I thought I could chip in."
"You don’t have to do that." I should mention that so far J has always been the one spending. It makes me feel uncomfortable so I offer but he turns me down. "No, I want to."
"It’s no big deal. I got it covered."
"I know you got it covered but I want to."
"We can talk about it later."
"Or we can talk about it now." I am smiling.
"What is with you? Any other woman would be happy to be taken care of."
"What? Where did that come from? I am not any other woman."
No response.
"Why are you so resistant to this?"
"Why are you so adamant about this?"
My turn to be silent.
"L____ wouldn’t have ... " L____, being his ex.
"L? You are comparing me to your ex?" The iciness is apparent in my voice.
"No, wait!" The panic is apparent in his.
*Click* And that is me hanging up.

So that’s how we had our first money talk. And our first fight.


At 1/14/2006 8:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lol. Poor fellow. Guys have it rough. It's amazing how often they get turned into the "bad guy" for trying to do something sweet.

At 1/14/2006 10:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh come on. If she hadn't offered to pay then you would have said: Typical woman. Guys have it rough. It's amazing how they are always expected to pay.

Hope you two work it out MMB.

At 1/14/2006 1:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i agree with the two comments above--doomed if you do, doomed if you don't. but i can't believe he brought up the ex!! that's like guy rule #1--never compair to the ex. what was he thinking?!

At 1/14/2006 3:37 PM, Anonymous sarah said...

I cannot, cannot believe he brought up his ex. That is blasphemy. Hope he called to apologize!

At 1/14/2006 3:54 PM, Anonymous dan said...

Ugh, sorry. Sounds like he was trying to do the right thing. The doomed if you do, doomed if you don't line applies to guys too. He was out of line bringing up the ex though.

At 1/14/2006 3:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, money is the major cause of divorce. And oh! I live 3 hours from Tahoe. It's beautiful! But you do know they have wedding chapels everywhere, right? Maybe he wanted to POP the question and get married on the trip.


At 1/14/2006 8:34 PM, Blogger Flexo said...

I agree it was crazy for him to bring up the ex. If I had done that with my girlfriend, there would be hell to pay.

For what it's worth, I'll porobably be going to Tahoe in April with my family in California and my girlfriend... most of the expenses will be paid by my mother who is just happy I visit the west coast from the east.

At 1/16/2006 10:18 AM, Blogger mmb said...

He's indefinitely on probation although he doesn't know it yet. :)

Leighann, my friend went there on her honeymoon but I didn't know that they offered Las Vegas style package deals! I will have to stay away from the wedding chapels. Thanks for the tip.

At 1/18/2006 8:09 PM, Blogger mapgirl said...

Tahoe is lovely! Squaw Valley's back run is my favorite, though the top of it is a little steep for my entry-level skiing skills.

I'm glad his heart was in the right place to even ask you in the first place. I hope this all works out. Sounds like he's spooked by his ex and the trauma of that relationship. But what do I know?

Good luck with this one!


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